Confessions of a Gaming Addict
Hello. My name is James and I’m a gaming addict.
Group: Hi, James.
If you’ve been following me on Twitter (not exactly the ideal platform for long discourses, though I have a habit of treating it like my IM with the world), then you’ve heard me talk about my general disillusionment with gaming, which was once a major part of my life and continues to hold some influence, though I’ve largely “grown up” as someone close to me has said on the matter.
You may also remember me talking about the game Fantasica, a grind-heavy Japanese TCG that plays on my inclination to indulge in the grinding so many JRPGs demand and my obsessive sense of completionism. It is also one of the many free-to-play games out there that backloads the actual cost with incentives to advance. I didn’t originally intend to put any money down on the game, but I have. It only amounted to $28, which I suppose is fair given the number of hours I’ve devoted to it, but not really worth it in the grand scheme of things. At least with physical TCGs, your money gets you actual cards and not just imaginary ones that last as long as the game server’s integrity. I should be happy that I’m not like many players who plunk down $200 or more in one sitting and have nothing to show for it. Perhaps the poor yield during my two experimental stabs at premium content successfully disabused me of the idea of actually getting ahead through paid transactions.
Despite the game lacking any significant plot or characterization beyond the blurb on the back of the cards, I’ve spent a no small percentage of my waking hours on the game since I started back in August. Perhaps the minimal interaction via touchscreen has facilitated this (as it doesn’t cause me the pain of holding a controller). I’ve been late to some classes (the ones I can get away with showing up late) and nearly late to others (the ones that I’d incur a significant penalty for tardiness), which got me to scale back a bit, but it wasn’t until the latest event that really put things in perspective for me.
The guild battle event requires you to physically be present for and participate in five guild battles at set times every day for the duration of the event. I didn’t fully figure this out until the fourth battle of the day yesterday, but the vast majority of my guild was non-participatory as well. The chance of the higher-level rewards was quickly fading from view. However, I was going to make a point to participate in as many as possible, since other guilds can have as significant a participation problem as mine. (For instance, one of the two battles I participated in yesterday had no defenders whatsoever.) The first battle of the day is 0600 CST. I planned on being awake for it (despite having gone to bed at 0430) and then catching a little more sleep until the next one at 1100 and I planned on continuing this pattern until the end of the even next Thursday. In theory, I would only be missing four battles due to classes and I might just be able to rack up enough victories to score my first six-star card.
This was the plan, but it was after 0900 when I woke up. My alarm didn’t work for some reason (or I just slept through it until it gave up). By grinding for an item called Blue Souls, you can raise the morale of your guild and have more action points during a battle. This resets after each battle, so it would’ve made sense to just grind until 1100. However, I decided I’d instead get another hour’s sleep. While I was lying on the couch trying to squeeze in that little extra rest, I realized how foolish it was to let a game (and not a very satisfying one at that) dictate my schedule. I promptly deleted the game and went back to bed.
When it comes to addiction, oftentimes efforts to wean yourself off the source of your addiction or to apply less harmful substitutes only facilitate a relapse. I’m not going to say it works for everyone, but the cold turkey approach gives your system the sufficient shock that–if you get through it–you have a good chance of kicking the habit once and for all. It was what my dad had to do to get off chewing tobacco and what I’m doing to get off an inane TCG.
My obsessive-compulsive addiction with regards to gaming has countless examples. My youth was filled with gaming binges. I remember Christmas break of ’98, where I played Xenogears all day until about 0400 in the morning, caught a little sleep and picked right back up as soon as I woke up. During my brief time playing WoW, I’d clock crazy hours on the grind until the gank-happy Hordies drove me away. Even more recently, after getting the PS2 rerelease of Dragon Force in Japan last year (a game I’d wanted ever since I saw a review for the original Saturn version back in ’96), I’d pull all-nighters going through a character’s scenario (until the pace dropped off in the third act) in multiple playthroughs. The damage to my hands is one of the main things curbing my gaming addiction, but so is my disenchantment with the current tangent of the games industry. (The lack of funds to feed the habit also play a role.) Nevertheless, this sort of behavior is very disturbing to me and I’m glad I’ve refrained from any other habit-forming activities.
I don’t plan on ever becoming a parent, but if I did, I wouldn’t ban my kids from playing video games. I would, however, regulate usage. When I was really little, my mom did the same and as I got older and more independent, I was able to skate by even as my usage increased. Even now, I can get away with quite a bit, but just because you can get away with feeding an addiction doesn’t mean that you should.
Tags: Ramblings
Ramblings | James Carmack | 11 October 2013 |
