Saint Dracula 3D (2012)

Director: Rupesh Paul
Starring: Mitch Powell, Patricia Duarte, Daniel Shayler

Synopsis:
A monk investigates a string of murders, which leads him to a novice nun who is being seduced by a resurrected Count Dracula.

Impressions:
Due to a mislabeling of the listing, what I thought was going to be Dario Argento's Dracula 3D ended up being this dumpster fire. You can tell this film takes the 3D part of its name seriously given how prominent the people behind the stereoscopic conversion appear in the opening credits. However, I didn't watch this in 3D, so I can't say if they did a decent job with it or if it's as terrible as everything else. I could easily see this on RLM's Best of the Worst series. Other than a few mildly interesting ideas in the story, nothing works. The writing, the acting, the costuming, the special effects, the cinematography, the editing, the music... It's all bad. It's on the level of a student film, a student film that's largely incoherent and thoroughly up its own fourth point of contact. As bad as it is, though, it didn't make me angry at it, as I was more amused than anything as I was dragged through its 90-minute runtime, so I'm not going to call for its purgation from the world of Men. That being said, except for use as riffing material, I wouldn't recommend anyone else seeing it. If you find a copy of it in the bin (where it belongs), leave it there.

And, seriously, what was up with Dracula and that loli ballerina?

Rating:
Avoid It