Star Wars - Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

Director: JJ Abrams
Starring: Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Adam Driver

Synopsis:
The return of Emperor Palpatine brings a new threat to the galaxy.

Impressions:
Well, let's take a look back on this four-year journey. I started expecting nothing and rather energetically hopping on board. Then came the rabbit punch of TLJ that threw me for a loop and took me about a year to process before I settled into disillusionment. I found myself back where I started, expecting nothing, so where does that leave us? Usually I'm rather big on avoiding spoilers, but I didn't do so here. I amusedly followed the leaks as they came out because my investment was spent. I felt nothing when the trailers came out and though I'd been there opening night from 1999 to 2017, I wouldn't have even bothered going to the theater if I hadn't been invited by my sister. (I would've just caught it on the airplane in a few months to round out these reviews.) What a way for things to end, right? Well, what about the movie itself? Let's get to that.

You get a lot of official denials about what went on behind the scenes, but I think it's pretty clear that the story had a weed-whacker taken to it. If you know about the leaks, you can see the frayed ends of different plot threads that had been cut off, but the objective is to throw so much at you that you can't stop to think, because if you do stop to think, everything falls apart. Yes, the problem existed for Episode VII, but it's far more egregious here. You've probably heard people compare the film to a video game, especially the McGuffin-hunting first act. Well, it's not just a video game. It's a video game on a speedrun. Like I said, the movie is desperate to keep you from thinking. If you're just along for the ride and enjoying the spectacle, it probably holds up a lot better.

Let's talk about the good stuff, what there is to be had. I do like that we have our power trio together. It really should've happened in Episode VIII to cement their relationships, so we're stuck trying to make up for lost time. Speaking of Episode VIII, the various snipes and retcons made belie the official line that JJ Abrams was fine with what Rian Johnson had done with the story in the previous film. Are his solutions entirely better? Not by much, but probably if he had headed the entire trilogy, we would've at least gotten a more consistent tone with a less base-breaking effect. (The plot probably still would've been a mess, but not as aggravating.) The inane preachiness of Episode VIII is toned down and there are no sequences quite as worthless as Canto Bight. The humor generally works better too.

To delve into the bad, it'd take a book. I do appreciate that I don't feel conflicted about this one like I did Episode VIII. It's not very good unless you turn your brain off, but at least it's not going to burrow in my head and nag at me for months. However, I'll at least give Johnson credit for committing to the stuff he did. Abrams, on the other hand, frequently backpedals on what should be emotional punches, completely destroying the stakes. There's far too much style over substance, but even with that, the space battles and lightsaber duels are surprisingly weak for what's supposed to be the big finale of a nine-film epic. The plot ran on a lot of dumb in Episode VIII and it's just as dumb here, albeit in different ways. More than all the moronity on parade, missed opportunities and underutilization of characters is a real letdown. The Knights of Ren end up being nothing special. You only get a few glimpses of the Final Order. New characters like Zorii Bliss and Jannah really don't add much (though both open the door to things that could've been developed into something interesting).

I could go on, but I really don't want to. There's no happiness, no anger. Just the smoldering ashes of my investment in this trilogy, arguable for the franchise as a whole. This is a movie that tried to be something for just about everyone while ending up being for almost no one. If you liked the setup in Episode VII, you probably won't be satisfied with the payoff. If you like Rian Johnson's stick-it-to-you approach in Episode VIII, you won't be satisfied with Abrams' backtracking. And if you wanted due justice to the characters and story of the Original Trilogy, you really won't be happy. If you can like this on the same level you like a Michael Bay Transformers movie, then you might get something out of it. If you just like watching a trainwreck, there's that. Take it or leave it.

Rating:
50/50