Chapter 19
Mother's Intuition
Royal Precinct, Tianjing
Yasuko was never comfortable speaking with her mother, but this had to be done. It had only been about an hour since she was released from the infirmary and she wasn't going to wait a minute longer. Her mother was stiff and formal as ever.
"It is not like you to ask to speak with me, Yasuko," she said. "What is this about?"
"I want you to send Yoon-hee away," Yasuko said.
"Has she displeased you? She will be punished and reassigned."
"No, I don't want her punished. If anything, she should be rewarded. There isn't a better handmaid than her."
"Then why do you wish for her to be sent away?"
Yasuko clammed up for a moment. She couldn't very well say, "Your husband's pet whore used her as bait to try to kill me and I don't want it to happen again."
"It... It's this place. It's not good or her. She'd be happier in Liuyiyuan."
"The servants tend to our happiness, not the other way around, Yasuko. Besides, we are short-staffed as it is."
"I, I don't need a handmaid. I can take care of myself. I'll do my own cleaning. Whatever."
"You may have had to play the maidservant for Lady Limei, Yasuko, but you will not do so here. You would disgrace your ancestors."
"Half of them."
Her mother gave her a mean look for that, but she didn't raise her voice or even give herself much of a harsher tone as she reproached her.
"Yasuko, I must ask you to stop being unreasonable. The past several months have been a trying time for everyone, but that is all the more reason you must demonstrate reserve and restraint."
Yasuko wasn't going to give up so easily, though.
"I haven't asked you for anything since I came here, Mother, and I've done everything you asked of me. Marry me off, make the next Emperor's concubine, whatever. I won't say a word. Just do this one thing for me. Please."
To show that she meant it, she bowed her head to the floor. Her mother didn't say anything for a while, but Yasuko didn't lift her head until she did.
"Very well, Yasuko. I will consider it, and in exchange you will remember your pledge."
"Yes, Mother. Thank you, Mother."
"You are dismissed, Yasuko."
Yasuko bowed again and left the room, bowing one more time before going out the door. This was for the best. This was what needed to be.
* * *
Yasuko was lying in bed, unable to sleep. This may well be the last time she would see Yoon-hee. She would feel better with her out of the Capital, but she would also miss her. It couldn't be helped. If Prince Sturla hadn't sent in those paramedics when he did, Yoon-hee would be dead. The last thing Yasuko wanted was to be further in Prince Sturla's debt, but she'd come to accept that there would be no escaping him until one of them were dead.
The door to her room opened. For no particular reason, she thought it was Yoon-hee, even hoped it was her, not that she ever came here at this hour, but neither did anyone else. She wasn't expecting to see her mother. She was wearing the plain cotton robe you slept in with another layer over it that was somewhere between a coat and a robe, presumably something you wore if you ever left the bedroom at night.
"Mother?"
"Oh, you are awake," she said. "I thought you might be."
Yasuko started to get up, but her mother held up her hand, saying, "No, no, do not get up. I was wondering if I might join you."
"What?"
"When you were little, you would always come crying to my room whenever you had a bad dream. Well, I have had a bad dream and I was hoping you might return the favor."
She was acting so strange. This wasn't like her at all. Where was the stiff and formal noblewoman who cared about nothing but appearances and politics? She was sounding almost... almost like a mother. The last time she was anything like this was when she sent Yasuko off to the Peach Blossom Palace, but even then she was more reserved than she was now.
As easy as it might have been to rebuff her, Yasuko didn't. She just scooted over a little as a silent gesture of assent. her mother smiled gently, shrugged off her over-robe and crawled into bed with her. She put her arms around Yasuko and drew her in close. Yasuko didn't resist, but she stiffened up as her mother embraced her. After all, this wasn't something she did.
"You are so tense," her mother said. "Relax. It is just me."
"Mother, I—"
"Please, call me 'mama' as you once did."
"I thought you said that was a child's word and I'm not a child."
"Oh, Yasuko, we all must wear a mask in public and for us the mask is a heavy one. I have wanted to speak to you like this ever since I first saw you back here in the Capital, but I never had the words. I was afraid."
"Afraid?"
"Afraid to hear the truth about what happened to you, what you have been through all these years... What you are going through now."
"Mother—"
Her mother gave her a squeeze.
"Mama, there's nothing for you to worry about."
"You are so strong, Yasuko, and stubborn. Just like your father. Oh, that man..."
"Mama, why was I sent away?"
"You know of the tragedy that befell our house, what they call the Great Purge?"
"Yeah, Yoon-hee told me about it."
"Well, many of the houses that conspired against us were punished and so they vowed to get their revenge, as if the last time was not lesson enough for them. There were several attempts on our lives and one time you were badly hurt. Your father wanted you away from the Capital, but he did not think Liuyiyuan would be any safer, so he took you to his uncle on the surface. It was only supposed to be for a little while, until we could rout our enemies, but then your father was reassigned to the Expeditionary Forces.
"I married Prince Sturla to strengthen our alliance with the Imperial Family. However, when it finally seemed safe enough to bring you back, I had my men sent to Cangkong and there was no sign of you or your uncle. There was talk that he died years earlier and you with him, I thought I lost you..."
She held Yasuko tighter.
"You do not know how much I wanted to hold you like this, cry for joy until my eyes shriveled up."
"But the mask..."
"Yes, Yasuko, the mask. Your father hated it so. I hate it too, but it is necessary. Without it, our society falls apart."
"You might actually live like Infernals."
There she used that word again. Dammit.
"That is exactly what your father would say. I miss him. I think the Prince is keeping him away from me. He can be so possessive..."
She was quiet for a moment.
"He... He has not done anything to you, has he?"
Yasuko found herself tearing up again. After so many years of not crying once, for it to be happening again after just a few days... She really hoped it wasn't turning into a habit, but thinking about everything she'd been put through, she was lucky she didn't break down into a bawling mess.
"No," she said. "What do you mean?"
She couldn't have sounded less convincing.
"I know his habit with women," her mother said. "He knows no limits. Whatever he wants, he takes."
"Why do you put up with it?"
"It is the right of men of rank to do what they will in the scope of their privilege. Women of rank have similar liberty if not quite so much of it. So long as a legitimate heir is secured for the house, we are free to entertain ourselves as we will."
Yasuko had certainly seen plenty of that.
"Prince Sturla is charming and handsome and quite clever," her mother said. "It is not hard to fall for him, but there is a shallowness to his affections. He can satisfy you physically in excess—" She cleared her throat, realizing she had probably said more than a daughter wants to hear from her mother. "...but he leaves you unfulfilled emotionally. You depend on him, but you are never truly happy with him. Oh, I do love little Snorri, but I know he is going to be raised to be just like his father...
"Your father, on the other hand, is crude and contentious, handsome but in a rough sort of way. We spend almost all our time arguing. He is a clumsy lover—" She cleared her throat again. Yasuko had to suppress a groan from being given too much information yet again. "...but there is a depth to his feelings I have never felt with anyone else. I love him so much, yet I cannot love him as I would like. You... You, my dear Yasuko... You are the proof of our love. I wish I could have given you the life you deserved."
Yasuko could hear her mother sobbing quietly. Though she had tried to convince herself that she didn't care about the Celestial woman who just happened to be her mother, it felt like her heart was being crushed in her chest. It was easy to hate the mask, but the real woman behind it, her actual mother...
Yasuko rested her hand on her mother's own.
"Mama..."
Her mother tightened her embrace. So this was what it felt like to have a mother. She hadn't felt anything close to it since TÃa Nayeli died. And now she was more than just tearing up. She was crying the silent tears of ten years of bottled-up emotions overflowing and pouring out in this single moment.
"I will send Yoon-hee to Liuyiyuan, " her mother said. "You are trying to protect her, as we tried to protect you all those years ago. I do not know what is going on and I know you will not tell me. Just remember that I love you, Yasuko. All the world can be against you, but you will always have your father and me. Remember that."
Then Yasuko said something she never thought she would say.
"I love you too, Mama..."